I've had some really great experiences in supermarkets the last two days. It all began in ASDA. I was heading to the broccoli and I noticed there was a guy already there. He was the saddest, most forlorn-looking man I've ever seen. I wondered what could have brought such misery to this man. He seemed to be dressed okay, and was clean-shaven. I looked at the broccoli and it was all a bit mank. I picked some up and it wobbled and flopped. The man sighed.
"It doesn't look very good, does it?" he said. I think he meant the broccoli, but he could have been talking about the future of mankind, for all the despair in his eyes.
"No. I guess I'll leave it," I replied, and I walked away, leaving him there wimpering for all eternity.
Last night Jon and I were in Tesco Metro on a date, and a middle-aged guy with an army coat and a bad moustache somehow got inbetween us in the queue. We got talking somehow, I think it was because Jon had a Coke Zero, and the old guy was saying how it was all the same shit, just more expensive. Anyway I paid for my stuff, and as this guy was bagging his stuff he realised he forgot something.
"Crap! I forgot the biscuits! Aw, damn," he muttered.
"Would you like me to get them for you?" I offered.
"Oh, yeah, great. Just own-brand digestives, the big pack." And he pointed me towards where they were, right at the other end of the shop. So I ran to get them. And I ran back, and gave them to him.
"No!" he yelled, "not that kind! The big pack!"
"That's all they have!"
"No, go back and get the big ones." So I had to run back again, and check they didn't have the big type. And they didn't, cos I'm not stupid. But anyway this guy wouldn't believe me, and was really annoyed, and thought I was a complete retard, but wouldn't actually go and check for himself, and so it ended up with me basically shouting at him "I bet you any money they aren't there."
And then today I saw this incredible carrot: